A man can’t Make Love with a Property.

By: Ahmed ELNAHAS – Montopoli, June 19^th 2013.

Modern man have forgotten how to treat women.. Especially ‘His’ woman.. The one that chose him in the first place.. He became so confused that he cannot anymore spend some time to honestly review his notions about how to be gallantly honest and responsible, how to care, respect, protect, honour, forgive, and sacrifice.. Instead he settled for a more simple and easier formula: Sex and the overpowering dominance by possession.

And to ‘this’ man I say: a real Man doesn’t Make Love with a Property.  

I doubt in the most serious way that we, men, know the real sense of “Love”. Because we were not taught, tutored or trained to love, to identify love, how to love or to express love.. Because in the oriental culture sentimental feelings may be well expressed in literature yet are not properly outlined in real everyday life..  In fact feelings and sentiments seem to be confused as if we have a problem to identify or even to clearly describe the various nuances enclosed in this complex sentiment called ‘Love’.

Even through the medium and high school years, when we studied the treasures of the wonderful love poems pearls of our Arab literature heritage, teachers did nothing to enhance our emotional maturity; they used to quickly pass over the surface without inviting our feedback or exploring our reactions to develop them, so as not to risk an unnecessary waste of time and fearing the embarrassment of our cruel uneasy questions.

Much less at home, within the institutions of “Marriage” and “Family”; between a busy father and a tired mother, we were left to friends and peers to develop our emotions and experience human relations by the unsuitable methods of trial and error or by imitation; never through comprehension, dialogue and model example.. “Shhhhhhh, don’t cry I’ll provide but don’t tell your father” is the worst lesson a loving mother would teach her son about love, respect, responsibility.. Or the cliché of “I said so and that’s it”, is another masculine authoritarian damaging act making normal what is not.

There is no authority in a marriage founded on exchanged love, there is only equal partnership based upon mutual responsibility for two people who agreed to share together for the common satisfaction of successful accomplishment.. And from here comes the confusion between a social institution (Marriage and Family) and a human sentiment (Love).

We did never had really the chance, any chance, to learn exactly what love is and how to develop it or express it.. Hence the confusion whereby to take sex for love, desire for love, lust for love, respect for love, overpowering for love, submission for love, possession for love, infatuation for love, and so forth. A courteously delivered compliment is automatically translated into a love statement. A sexual crush is childishly confessed by “I love You”.. Etc.    

Some are convinced that offering ‘presents’ is a love statement; others believe that ‘money’ and financial security is the essence of showing love; for other groups ‘dominance’ is the best way to ensure “Reciprocity” in love. While most men are certain that sex is the key to secure a love relation, they tend to obscure and even deny the other emotional and sentimental motivators existing just to empower Love.

Once we know what love is and how to express it and develop it, we may have better than average chance to co-exist with the Other.. Isn’t ‘Love’ the central pillar around which are revolving all the doctrines?

Pass On The Word.